Turtles all the way down.. or in this case masks.
Self Care #1 2022
It’s been a few years since I began this site. My first post was about my new found exploration of the Big Tough Frog Man. It’s not the only art I make but it is a mask that I am still exploring. I am often not very consistent with my art practice. It’s an on again off again thing and while some down time from anything can be a good thing, I do have anxieties around that. Classic, textbook, cliche imposter syndrome. How often do I have to work to be an artist? What kind of art do I need to make to be taken seriously? How good does it have to be? How many people have to like it? Am I checking all the boxes I need to if I want to see myself and be seen as an artist? Have I done enough to put on that mask?
I’d written a few years ago that the The Big Tough Frog Man was a mask I put on to explore ideas and feelings I was self conscious about. Things that require a little bit of inner toughness but not in the way society usually understands the word ‘tough’. I’ve only done a few drawings and photoshoots of the frog man since then but I’ve been doing my best to put that mask on as often as possible. Not literally of course. I don’t wear the ripped up stuffed animal head every day I pop out my door.
The pandemic forced a lot of us to take a good hard look at ourselves and what we want and need in our lives. To consider What we value or alternatively to dive deep into an endless abyss of distractions be it alcohol, Netflix or some other mind trap. Personal events forced me into a hard dose of that 9 or 10 months before the COVID became a part of our lives but during this time I kept on grilling myself in that mirror.
What I found was that I didn’t need the literal, Big Tough Frog Man, mask to confront activities, ideas or feelings I was self conscious about. So why do I still put it on?
I still wear the mask as a form of celebration. A personal ritual. To remind myself that I don’t need a literal mask to be brave. I’m still self conscious and riddled with anxiety often but I can do what I wanted to do and explore what I need to explore whether I overcome that anxiety and fear or whether I carry it with me and do my thing regardless. It is not the mask that ultimately does these things but the person wearing it.
In more than one instance on a couple too many beers or sitting out in the woods with some dirty thoughtful trail rats (trail workers) I’ve heard people talk about feeling like or striving for being their ‘true self’. I’m not going to monologue one of those debates at y’all right now. I’ve established it’s the individual doing ‘the doing’ not the mask. So is it any different when you go to work vs are out road tripping across the country? Spending time with family vs friends? People that make you feel uncomfortable vs people that inspire you? Taking out the trash vs going out to the bar? Tackling a huge life challenge vs leaning into the creature comforts of humanity? Which one is the ‘true self’? Which ones are the masks? I can’t spot it. Seems like the same you is doing it all.
Are all of them masks? None of them? One of my favorite sayings: ‘Turtles all the way down’. I think it captures the idea of the self just about as well as it does the idea of Earth’s place within the universe. ‘True self’ is often just a stand in for ‘most comfortable’. Sometimes a good thing, sometimes not so good. I’m not saying that you should embrace your behavior in any circumstance as you just being you. There is still room for change if you want to work towards it in the cycles of hope and fear that make up our day. I’m just proposing a starting point to move forward from. It’s all true. They are all masks. Don’t get too attached to any particular one because they are all going to change with time.
Now that I’ve gotten that all out; I hope you have enjoyed my photographic celebration of practicing self care. Go take an epson salt bath and light a candle bro.
